Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Scribbled crayon on a freshly painted wall.

Walking outside after being inside for so long, I noticed the moon shining brightly overhead. The night was so clear I could almost dip my hands into the depth of space behind it. There was a clarity in that sky that seemed so definate and crisp. The stars know where they belong and they're infinately less valuable then I am to God. The moon makes its gentle steady way around the earth, staying its coarse in a way that almost mocks my effort to do the same. I can only go so long being confused and wondering where all the answers to life's questions are going to come from. A little whirlwind of confusion starts to make its way from the small little corner of my mind that breeds doubt, and before you know it a wind advisory is posted for my heart. So you sit and think " well if I have questions, the obvious thing to do is to seek answers." However, if you haven't noticed life is incredibly good at this hide and seek game it plays witht he answers you want. You count to 10, 20, 30..."OK life...here I come...!" No answer. Running you become winded, and frustrated you become tired. More questions build up and it seems like you may have been better off before the game began.

Is this really all life is composed of? Chasing after answers that are to fickle to reveal their location? Wondering what will come next and not knowing what to expect but at the same time knowing its what you want? This doesn't sound right to me. Somehow i've let all of my research and distraction tear me away from the path he's chosen. All this time of course I thought it was him keeping me in the dark. "Where are my answers God? I know you're God. Don't tell me you don't know, I know you do." So I look somewhere else. I start to look in the places it's easy to find quick answers thinking "if I can just find something of a clue here, or a piece there i'll definitely start to figure it out." Pretty soon I have so many different pieces, and I have left my heart searching in so many of the wrong places I feel lost. I thought I was building a map. But, compared to God's perfect plan it's just scribbled crayon on a freshly painted wall.
How frustrating:

I think I might be a typical 22 year old.


Oh and p.s.: Just in case you need a visual:Santaguito Eruption

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Missy.
O LORD, you have searched her and you know her. You know when she sits and when she rises; you perceive her thoughts from afar. You discern her going out and her lying down; you are familiar with all her ways. Before a word is on her tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem her in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon her. Psalm 139:1-5

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